I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize