I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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