i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
