I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
