it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
