I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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