I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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