I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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