dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
