Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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