Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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