Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
