Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Houston, we have a blender
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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