my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
