im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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