i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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