She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
