We won't sleep together?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
