The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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