Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
