During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
