I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
