you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
