at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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