he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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