Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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