I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
