Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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