Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
