Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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