so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
