I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
