did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
