apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
