saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
