oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we should paint friendship bongs
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
