Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
