I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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