it wasn't lemon gatorade
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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