So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
