my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
