how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
FUCK WHALES
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
