I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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