if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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