Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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