I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
