Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
