hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
