worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
