im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
