After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well you can't waste a boner
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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