life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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