Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
