she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
