she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if only i could text you this smell
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
