I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
