If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
