4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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