OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
