My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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