so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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