and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
