You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Randomize
