Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
