1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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