I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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