its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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