Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
God, I missed his penis.
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