i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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