i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am one with the molecules
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
