she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize