hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
