You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
