That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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