I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
