false alarm. still invincible.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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