her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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