remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
