we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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