she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
