I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
