Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
