I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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