I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
