Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
