i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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