Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
