Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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